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love

“Letting go is the hardest part.”

For years, my heart has been on love lockdown. It’s something you can’t control.

I have a happy life with my family, friends, and boyfriend. They keep me going. I just want one person out of my head. HIM.

We were perfect for each other. Every journal entry was about him. It was a school girl crush, but not really. He used the word LOVE. That, by any word in the English dictionary, yet alone in any language, is probably one of the most powerful.

But then, we knew it wouldn’t work out. He left for good. Miles and miles away. His mom got a job. I sat there depressed for a while.

We weren’t a couple, and barely ever kissed.  Little pecks were all that came out of what was a “relationship”. Our one week boyfriend and girlfriend experience was spent on the phone.
Up and down and down and up we went. Like a rollercoaster back and forth and upside down. Over 6 years of nonsense, yet still feelings are bundled up inside my chest. I want to let them go, but how do you erase your first love? You can’t. You move on.

The strong part is still caring for that person, and WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST for them. They will always be a part of your life no matter what.

It’s been over 4 years and I’ve moved on. It took a while, but I did it. From sappy text messages, phone calls, pictures, everything. I made it through.

The man in my life now is more than any thing I could ever imagine. Wonderful. Amazing. Caring. The list goes on. He treats me as if I were the only girl in the world. I am blessed to have such a wonderful person in my life who would risk anything to make me happy. Go to the store and buy me medicine, pick me up Starbucks, visit to just say hi.

I’ve learned through the tears and sorrow from my past, that there are other people out there that can love you just as much and if not, even more.

Letting go is the hardest part, but my heads above the water, and I’m never going to let myself sink back in.